


Know What Everyone Knows

by chchchchcherrybomb



Series: The Desperate Type [13]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Connor is Zoe's weed mentor, Hair Braiding, Healing Content, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Literally that's the whole plot, Marijuana, Multi, Siblings, THERE IS WEED OKAY DID I MENTION THE WEED, The Desperate Type universe, Weed facilitated sibling bonding, Writing high people is sort of hard, Zoe and Connor get hiiiiiiiiiiiigh, they get high together and hang out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-13
Updated: 2017-05-13
Packaged: 2018-10-31 05:46:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10892943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chchchchcherrybomb/pseuds/chchchchcherrybomb
Summary: Connor is a bit surprised when Zoe asks him to get high together, but he agrees. It's not like he has anything better to do.The Desperate Type Universe, set in the middle of Epilogue Part 4, Connor's POV.





	Know What Everyone Knows

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, just so you guys know this is set during the Evan and Connor break up in The Desperate Type. Enjoy!

It had been three weeks.

Not that he was counting.

He was totally counting.

He imagined if this was a year ago he would have been counting with tally marks on the inside of his arms.

Now he couldn’t or he’d fuck up his tattoo.

And then there was the whole thing where it had been two months since the last time he had actually done that.

It was his longest streak… ever.

Since it started.

Something about having the damn tattoo was discouraging in its own right.

He kept waiting to regret it. Decide it was stupid to get it, think about ways to cover it up because it basically shouted “Property of Evan Hansen,” as Heidi had teased him when she saw it.

Connor didn’t regret it though.

Things he did regret included: breaking up with Evan, leaving Evan’s house to go to class that day, that party, basically all of it.

Also he weirdly missed seeing Heidi from time to time. She was really nice.

Probably some kind of weird mommy issues.

There was a week standing in between him and Thanksgiving. A week.

They were all supposed to go Black Friday shopping. Connor had tried to get out of it, but Alana had dug in her heels.

“Connor. We already decided! We’ve had this on the books since August. It’s the only chance for us all to hang out before winter break!”

He mumbled something about not wanting them all to hang out.

“Is this about Evan?” Alana said. She sounded impatient.

“Of course it is.”

“You’d think, as the _dumper_ , that you would be the more confident one going into this.”

Connor sputtered for a few minutes. “I… I didn’t really want to break up with him.”

“Well, that was obvious,” Alana said. “What happened?”

“I…. I freaked out.”

“Why though?”

“Because….” Connor sighed. “I don’t know. I just…. Freaked out. I just.” He ran a hand through his hair. “Because I’m not… good enough for him.”

“Oh, Connor,” Alana said sighing. “That’s not true. I… I’m _sorry_. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I… I am. I think.” Connor sighed dramatically. “Probably. I don’t know. Have you talked to him?”

“I have.”

“Does he… sound okay?” Connor asked, tentatively. “I know… I know I have no right to be asking since I’m the asshole, but…”

“He sounded sad,” Alana said. “But otherwise fine. Still going to therapy, still hanging out with his roommate. I guess Tom insisted on taking him out dancing last weekend, and Evan got a little drunk.”

Connor felt a lump rise in his throat, a hollowness in his chest. “Oh. Good. I’m glad he’s… I’m glad he’s okay.”

“Connor, I’m not… I don’t want to say this,” Alana said. “But. What the hell? You obviously miss him, Zoe says you’ve been moping around for weeks… Just. Go get him back.”

“I…” Connor trailed off. “I can’t do that. I ruined it.”

“You didn’t. Evan _loves_ you. Loves. You.  Like… that is rare. And a little crazy. And he’s in love with you, so just…” Alana sighed. “I’m going to say something that sounds really neurotypical, and I’m sorry.”

“Go for it,” Connor said, smiling a little.

“Just… swallow your pride, get over yourself, and _get him back._ ”

“Alana.”

“Don’t go into all of that self loathing crap on me, Connor. You’re my best friend, and you deserve to be happy. And I know Evan makes you happy.”

He sighed. There was still always that little jolt when she called him her best friend. He’d lied about that to Evan too. Connor knew that now. He’d lied. His best friends… not that he’d ever had them before, not that he knew how to do it, but it was obvious that Connor was closest to Evan. And Alana. They were different, but. They were the people he wanted to call when good things happened. And bad things. And in between things. _Damn it._  “ _Thanks_ Alana.”

“You’re welcome,” She said, her voice still hard and stubborn. “Look, I’m sorry, but I have to let you go. I’ve got a shift at the crisis line.”

“Is that still going okay? You’re still… okay with it?”

He could hear the smile in her voice. “I am. I really am. It’s not, like, fun, exactly, but it is really… rewarding. I guess? It feels good to help… but I really _am_ running late.”

“Okay, that’s fine. Have a good shift.”

“Have a good night. Call Evan!”

“No!”

He hung up with Alana.

Laid on his back on his bed.

Sighing.

Fuck.

His parents were gone all weekend. For some reason they trusted him and Zoe to be alone in the house for forty eight hours without setting it on fire.

Well.

For some reason their _mom_ trusted them both. Fucking Larry still had his doubts about Connor; he had literally uttered the words “Zoe’s in charge” as they left. Connor didn’t really blame him, but. Still. _Fucking_ _Larry_.

Connor was just sort of waiting to get kicked out, honestly. He kept thinking it was only a matter of time. He couldn’t live off of his parents forever. He didn’t know if that was reality or his brain fucking with him again, but still. He kept waiting for the eviction notice.

There was a knock at the door. Zoe. She was smiling, always smiling. “Do you want pizza? I was thinking of ordering something.”

“Sure,” he said, sort of looking at his phone awkwardly, Alana’s words still in his head.

“Have you heard from him at all?” Zoe asked. Gently. She stayed in the doorway. She was way too fucking nice about all of this. It was starting to get on his nerves.

“No.”

Zoe nodded. “So...What do you want on the pizza?”

“Just… whatever.” He didn’t care. He didn’t feel like eating. Hadn’t felt like eating in a while.

Zoe rolled her eyes. “Cool, I’ll get extra pineapple then.”

“So funny.”

“I try.”

She turned out of the room.

Connor frowned. It was… nice of her to ask him.

He should stop being a dick to her.

He got up, walking out of his room, heading for Zoe’s door. He waited until he heard her hang up the pizza call – Zoe was the only person he knew who would actually _call_ to order a pizza instead of ordering online – and then knocked.

She turned to look at him through her open door, looking surprised. “I guess I wasn’t expecting you to come out of your room.”

Connor shrugged. “I’ve been kind of an emo piece of shit lately.”

“Lately?” Zoe said, eyebrows raised. But then she smiled, so he smiled back. “Alana texted to say she gave you some kind of ‘buck up and get your man back’ speech.”

“She did,” Connor said, nodding. “It was pretty impassioned.”

“Well… are you?”

He shrugged. “I doubt he’d want that.”

“You broke up with _him_ , though.”

“Still.”

“I was going to throw _The Office_ or something on while I waited for the pizza,” Zoe said. “Want to watch with me?”

“Sure.”

He sat beside her on his bed. Her bedspread was so colorful. Like her hair. She’d changed the steaks again; it had been pink for a while, then purple. Now it was back to indigo. Connor thought that looked good on her. He’d stopped keeping up with re-dyeing the streak in his hair. It was sort of a washed out peach now. Maybe he should had asked Zoe to help him redo it.

They watched an old episode of the office on her laptop; it was so old they had probably be little kids when it premiered.

As the episode was ending, the doorbell rang.

“I’ll get it,” Connor said, about to get to his feet.

“No, no, I got it,” Zoe said and she bounded down the steps to answer the door. Connor noticed the note with a twenty clipped to it was still sitting on her desk, so he got up and grabbed it, thinking he’d bring it downstairs. As he stooped to pick up the money, his foot knocked against the desk chair and Zoe’s backpack fell to the floor.

“Shit,” Connor mumbled, bending down to put the few things that had fallen out back inside the bag.

He was throwing a handful of pens into the side pocket when his fingers closed around the dime bag.

Connor looked at it, confused.

Huh.

That… surprised him.

He slipped it back into Zoe’s bag and then headed downstairs with the money. Zoe was chatting animatedly with the delivery driver. Connor thought he recognized the kid from school.

“Thanks Justin,” Zoe said smiling as she shut the door. “Do you want to eat upstairs?”

Connor shrugged.

The ate about half of the pizza, watching more of _The Office_. Connor wasn’t really that hungry, but he made himself eat so he wouldn’t feel sick later. His new meds made him sort of sick to his stomach if he didn’t eat for too long.

Progress.

“So,” he said as the end credits of a second episode played. “I knocked your bag over when I went to grab the money.”

“Okay?” Zoe said, looking confused.

“Some… party favors fell out.”

Zoe’s face went pink. “Oh my god.”

Connor kind of smiled, teasing. “As your older brother I have to ask who you bought it from to make sure you didn’t get screwed over.”

Zoe laughed. “Um… Cole Jackson?”

Connor shook his head, laughing a little. “Okay, that’s probably decent then.”

She relaxed visibly. “You’re not gonna…. _Lecture_ me are you?”

Connor looked at her like she had grown another head. “Of course not. That would be awfully hypocritical, wouldn’t it?”

“So… you still do it?”

Connor shrugged. “Not very often, but sometimes.”

Zoe was looking very intently at the floor. “Would you… want to?”

Connor blinked. “You want me to smoke with you?”

Zoe sighed. “Look, okay, I went to visit Alana at school and I met some of the music school kids. And they all… literally all of them were stoned when I was there. And I just. I want to see what all of the fuss is about so I can, you know, decide if I could be around that all of the time. I guess. I just… I didn’t want to try it for the first time at a party after that freakout that Evan had last year? Like I just…” She kept her eyes trained on the floor. “You know what, it’s stupid, forget it.”

Connor raised his eyebrows. “Do you even have anything to smoke it with? I might still have some rolling papers in my room...”

Zoe rolled her eyes. “I don’t need them. I…” She shook her head. “Lord knows why, but mom convinced dad not to throw away the bong they found in the basement and I know where they stashed it.”

Connor blinked. “Really?”

“Yeah, it’s behind the gun safe in their closet.”

“What? We have a _gun_ in the house?”

Zoe blinked. “I forgot how much of a zombie you were for a while there, you must have missed that… Yeah. Mom got one after all of those break-ins in the neighborhood two years ago. Dad was super pissed. Kept going on about how unsafe having a gun in the house is... Apparently he’s more liberal than we thought.” Zoe got quiet for a minute. “In retrospect it’s probably for the best that you didn’t know about the gun.”

Connor frowned. “Yeah. Probably.”

Zoe sighed. “So should I go… get it?”

“The gun?”

“The _bong_ you idiot!” Zoe laughed.

He shrugged. “Okay.”

“Really? You… you’ll do this with me?”

Connor shrugged. “It can’t be much worse than the time I got Evan high.”

Zoe laughed. “Yeah that was a mess.”

Zoe led the way down the stairs, into their parents’ bedroom. Connor sort of lingered outside of the closet, because truth be told he didn’t really want to see precisely where they kept the gun that was apparently in the house. Just. You know. In case.

“You’re not coming in?”

“I’d like to stay out of the closet, thanks,” Connor said drily.

“Har har,” Zoe said, and Connor imagined she rolled her eyes. She ducked into the closet, turning on the light, and a few minutes later reappeared with the bong. Connor smiled encouragingly at her.

He was going to smoke with Zoe. How fucking weird.

She held it out to him like it might bite her, and Connor bit the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing. He looked at the bong and sighed. “Dusty. We’ll have to clean it out.”

Zoe nodded.

Connor led the way into the kitchen. He washed the bong out in the sink, and Zoe perched on the counter. “Where do you want to do this?”

Connor shrugged, filling the now clean bong with water. “Probably somewhere we can air out before mom and dad get home.”

“Your room?” Zoe asked.

“...Sure?”

Zoe never really went into his bedroom. She had made them dance it out last year in there, but ever since the door had been replaced, Zoe tended to loiter in the hall.

Connor knew why.

They didn’t really talk about it.

He followed Zoe back up the stairs and into his bedroom. “Music?” he asked her.

“Sure.” She pulled out her phone and plugged it into the speaker in his room. Some acoustic indie hipster shit started playing. Connor smiled.

He could see Zoe watching him as he climbed under his bed, moving a few things around until he found the shoe box he had shoved under it ages ago. He pulled it out and inside found the grinder he’d held onto for ages. He really didn’t smoke much anymore. But it was still good to have on hand.

He stood up, pulling a lighter from his jeans pocket, then took a seat at his desk.

Zoe had taken a seat on the bed, watching him still as he packed the bowl. “Okay… so how exactly do I do this?”

“Um…” Connor had youtubed it the first time he had used a bong. He hadn’t had anyone to show him, really. Getting high was mostly a solitary activity for Connor. He sort of sighed then sat at the other end of the bed from Zoe. “Okay, so you’ll put your mouth here…” he said, pointing, “And then you’ll light while you inhale…” He said. This weirdly made he feel… nervous. He’d never showed anyone but Evan and Jared how to smoke pot, and both times it was was a joint. Much simpler to explain.  “Then you’ll… um. You want to wait until there’s enough smoke, I guess? Maybe go smaller for the first one. But I’d usually inhale until it was pretty much full.” He cleared his throat. “Then you’ll pull up the bowl bit, here,” he lifted it to demonstrate. “And inhale in the smoke.”

Zoe nodded, looking uncertain.

“I can just… show you?”

“Sure.”

Connor nodded, then struck the lighter, holding the flame in the bowl, inhaling, pulling up the bowl, and inhaling again. He held the smoke in for a few second then exhaled. “Um… you’ll probably cough.”

“Okay,” Zoe said.

Connor passed the bong over, then the lighter. Zoe looked up at him, and he nodded to confirm she was doing it right.

Connor sort of smirked when she coughed a bunch after she took a rip. “What the fuck?” She said, still kind of coughing. “How do you do that without coughing?”

Connor shrugged. “I already smoke, I guess.”

Zoe shook her head. “So… how long until I feel high?”

Connor shrugged. “It’ll probably take more than one hit.”

She nodded.

“You okay? We don’t have to keep doing this…?”

“Connor, come on. Now is not the time to get all protective-older-brother. It’s _just_ weed.”

“True.”

“God, remember that time mom caught you snorting oxy on your seventeenth birthday?”

Connor shook his head. “Why do you have to bring that up?”

Zoe shrugged. “I never know what I’m allowed to talk about.” She passed the bong back to him. They traded back and forth, back and forth a few times and then Zoe sort of snorted.

“It kind of feels like… dreaming?”

Connor giggled. Giggled. “You’re stoned.”

“I am?” She said, laughing.

“Yeah.”

“Fuck… don’t tell Alana.”

“Oh god no we can’t tell Alana.”

“It’s so weird that you’re best friends with my girlfriend,” Zoe said, rolling her eyes.

“It’s so weird that you’re dating my best friend!”

They smoked some more.

Zoe kept laughing, which kept setting Connor off. “So you’re good?” He asked her, trying to keep a straight face which was fucking difficult. “Do you need anything?”

“My mouth feels weird,” Zoe said.

“That happens,” Connor said. He got up and dog around in his backpack, pulling out a roll of cherry Lifesavers. “Here.”

“Do I look weird?” Zoe asked, shoving the hard candy into her mouth.

“No.”

“I’m taking a snapchat.”

“Do not do that. You just said you didn’t wanna tell anyone that you were high!”

Zoe already had her phone out. “I’m only gonna send it to Jared. Get in here.”

“No.”

“Take a selfie with me.”

“No!”

“Come on we’ll used the dog filter!”

They both laughed for a while. The music kept playing and he didn’t know the song but it was really cool, and Connor closed his eyes for a minute, enjoying how dreamlike and slowed down everything was. For the first time in a few weeks, he didn’t feel completely terrible. This was precisely while he’d spent almost all of high school high.

“GOT YOU!” Zoe shouted triumphantly and Connor could see a selfie, his eyes closed, Zoe’s wide open and bloodshot, her tongue stained red and hanging out, the dog filter apparently abandoned. “Oh my god,” She said, giggling. “It’s like I’m _dripping_ cherries.”

Connor looked at her incredulously and then cracked up. “Dude. What the hell.”

“Dude?”

“Dude.”

Zoe giggled, covering he face for a minute. “Oh my god you got me high!”

“This was your idea!”

Zoe was kind of staring at her hands for a second. Or maybe a minute. Connor wasn’t sure. There was only ash left in the bowl, so Connor stuck the bong on his desk.

“Mom and dad would freak out if they knew about this.”

“I know.”

“Oh my god,” Zoe said, shaking her head. “What are you even doing right now?”

“Sitting,” Connor said, rolling his eyes. Admittedly he was sitting with his legs leaning over the bed and onto his desk.

“Is this even a real song?” Zoe asked, laughing. “I’ve never heard this before.”

Connor laughed and slowly got up to glance at her phone. “Zoe this is fucking _Glee_!”

“Don’t stop believing…” She warbling through giggles. Her eyes were so bloodshot. Connor went and sat down again, smiling.

Zoe sat up, like she was trying to get ahold of herself. “I seriously keep forgetting why everything is like this and then I remember and everything tastes like velvet.”

Connor cracked up laughing and Zoe sort of toppled over onto herself laughing so hard she looked like she might cry. She kind of laid there, eyes wide for a second, before saying, “I have the most overwhelming urge to moo.”

“Moo?”

“Like a cow!”

Connor laughed. “So are you having fun?” He asked.

“I don’t know how you ever went to school like this,” Zoe said, giggling. "It is way too hard not to act stoned."

“Practice.”

“You’re a weed expert!”

“A wexpert!”

“Dude, omg, you’re high too.”

“Zo, I’ve been on like… a months long tolerance break. Yes.”

“Do you think we have any popsicles?” Zoe said, springing to her feet suddenly. “I super

want… like. Something cold on my tongue.”

“It’s like… November.”

“Come on!”

Connor followed Zoe down the stairs and into the kitchen. She was rooting through the freezer. Connor heard “Aha!” and Zoe popped her head out, smiling, holding out two bomb pops.

“How old are those?” Connor asked taking one.

“I have no idea.” Zoe unwrapped hers and stuffed the first quarter of into her mouth. “THIS IS AMAZING.”

“I wish you weren’t stoned so I could send a picture of this to Alana,” Connor said, laughing.

“Why?” She said but the popsicle was still in her mouth and red melted popsicle juice dribbled out of her mouth and then Connor cracked up laughing again.

“Fuck I am so baked,” he said, still laughing, and unwrapped his popsicle. It was pretty freezer burnt but he put it in his mouth anyway. The coolness felt pretty incredible on his mouth.

“Connor…”

He turned his head away from the popsicle, pulling it out of his mouth with a pop. “Hmm?”

“Why’d you break up with Evan?”

Connor rolled his eyes. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Come on,” Zoe said, licking a bit of the melted red popsicle off of the white bit. “It’s not like I’m going to judge you.”

“You might.”

“Connor come on, none of us can figure it out.”

He sighed, sticking his popsicle back in his mouth.

“Also… um. There’s… there’s not someone outside watching us, right? Like I’m just… high right?”

Connor nodded. “Come on, let’s just go upstairs. You’ll feel better.”

“Wait no! This is probably stupid… What if we smoked more in the bathroom?”

“The bathroom?”

“Yeah, I love sitting in the bathroom without water.”

“That’s weird.”

“Come on.”

“Alright.”

They headed first to Connor’s room to grab the bong, finishing their popsicles and laughing. Inside the bathroom, Zoe giggled while Connor shut the door.

He’d never thought about how massive the tub was.

He took the tap side, and Zoe leaned back against the other side, her legs crossed like a pretzel.

Connor repacked the bowl, and then offered Zoe the first hit.

She took one that was impressively big. And didn’t cough.

“Holy shit,” Connor said.

“Your mouth looks all weird,” Zoe said, smirking. “You got popsicle all over your face.”

“Shut up.” He muttered, taking a hit himself.

“Hey,” Zoe said as he was exhaling. “Is it weird that I’m glad we’re hanging out?”

Connor shook his head. “No. I’m glad too. Really.”

“Never imagined getting high together though,” Zoe said, smiling.

“Me either.”

“Why did you start smoking?” She asked after another rip.

Connor blinked slowly. “Because I didn’t have any friends and it made me feel less like dying.”

Zoe stopped smiling.

Connor realized what he said. “Sorry.”

“No it’s… it’s fine.”

“I was a dick to you,” Connor said, suddenly, unable not to say it. “I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”

“I… I was bad too,” Zoe said, taking the bong back. She took another rip. “Fuck, I’m really out of it…” She shook her head. “I was mean to you. A lot. On purpose.”

“Same.”

“I’m sorry,” They both said at the same time.

Then they laughed.

“Connor… why’d you break up with Evan?”

He sighed. Took the bong back, took another hit. Stalling. His eyes couldn’t quite stay all the way open.

“It’s just… you didn’t do it so you could try to kill yourself again, right?”

His eyes popped open very fast. “What?”

“I…” Zoe sighed, leaning back against the tub, like she was just so relaxed. “I just. I’m… you didn’t do it because you still wanna die, right? I just. You two seemed so happy and then you just, poof, broke it off.”

Connor picked idly at his nail polish. “No, it’s not… It wasn’t… I’m too sick for him.”

“What?”

“He’s getting so much better and, like, having the time of his life and I’m… high in the fucking bathroom.”

Zoe raised an eyebrow.

“We were fighting a lot.”

“You were?”

“I’m… I suck on the phone, and at texting, and we had this fight… That day you thought I skipped therapy and texted him about it?”

Zoe nodded.

“We fought all day and then the next day was…” He blew out a deep breath. “I’m gonna smoke a cigarette okay? We’re gonna have to air the room out anyway, and I need a cigarette.”

She nodded. He pulled the pack from his hoodie pocket and lit up. He opened up the toilet to ash into it.

“We had this fight and the next day was the day we were… the day I tried to kill myself last year, at the water tower?”

Zoe nodded.

“I didn’t hear from him all day. I totally flipped out, I was just… like. Convinced that he was dead. It didn’t make any sense. And then I, like, drove there in a panic since he wasn’t answering his phone and… he was fine. He was just totally fine. I’d spend all day just… freaked out and scared and mad and not in a good spot mentally and he was just. Fine.”

“Fuck. That sucks.”

“I don’t know I just… if we stayed together he was going to get stuck taking care of me forever.”

“That’s not true,” Zoe said, sighing. “You take care of him too. You got him on a plane, like, twice. You convinced him he could go off to school. He’d have never… When you two met he was terrified to talk to anyone.”

“I didn’t do that,” Connor said. “I didn’t like… fix him. If anything, I made it worse.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

She sighed. “Can I try your cigarette?”

“What? No!” Connor said, ashing into the open toilet. “Weed I’ll let you try but you can’t fuck up your lungs.”

“Fuck you.”

“Fuck _you_!”

They laughed.

“What if Alana leaves me for some brainiac pre-med chick with like… a killer pixie cut and a feminism tattoo?”

“Dude, no,” Connor said, nudging Zoe’s knee with his foot. “She’s like, grossly in love with you. I have to yell at her constantly not to talk to me about it because you’re my sister and it’s weird.”

“Liar,” Zoe said.

Connor heaved a massive sigh, and his hand dove into his pocket for his phone. His fingers were a little big clumsy but he unlocked it and started scrolling through texts from Alana. He finally found one that read, “Your sister is a literal angel. I sort of want to cry. She’s so amazing.”

Zoe looked at the text and then teared up. “Damn it, I love her.” She leaned her head back against the tub, sighing.

“And she loves you, goober.”

She wiped her eyes. “Damn, she’s the best.”

“She is the best,” Connor said, smiling fondly. “I don’t know why she talks to me.”

“Because she _likes_ you dumbass.”

“But why?”

“You listen to her when she talks. All of the time. You never interrupt her or make fun of her… You’re actually really nice to her. It’s weird. You’re weird.”

“ _You’re_ weird.”

They laughed.

“But for real,” Zoe said, but then her head fell back again and she giggled.

Connor laughed at her as she tried to get her head up again.

She sighed. “But no, really though, Alana loves you. She’s always going on about how you’re so smart and funny and stuff even though you dress like some kind of decrepit emo hobo. Like, do you own any pants without the knees ripped out? But like, I dunno, like, I’m always like, ‘which one of us do you even like?’ and then she’s all, ‘Zo, I’m so gay though!’” Zoe laughed. “She thinks you’re a sneaky genius. A sneeeeenius!”

“That is so not a word.”

“Pfft whatever.”

“You also said like ninety seven times in that one sentence.”

“Oh blow me.”

“Gross.”

“Do you think dad’s finally over how queer we both are?” Zoe asked.

“You? Yes. Me? Never.”

“Why?”

“Because he’s a gross dude who can understand why lesbians are hot but is squicked out by dudes banging?”

“Fucking Larry,” Zoe said, shaking her head.

“Indeed,” Connor said, finishing his cigarette. It hit the water of the toilet with a hiss. He sighed. “Remember how he made me shave my head?”

“Not a good look for you,” Zoe said, her head falling back against the tub again. “My head is a magnet.”

“Definitely not.” Connor sighed.

“Is any of this real?”

“Please don’t get paranoid.”

“All I can do is knock my head into things.”

“Wait, I have a weird idea. To keep your brain and hands occupied. Don't think I'm nuts, okay?”

“What?”

They ended up back in Zoe’s bedroom, and she was grumbling as she brushed out his hair. His brilliant plan to keep her occupied was to let her rip the knots out of his hair. “You need to start conditioning this.”

“No. Conditioner was created by the patriarchy!”

Zoe smacked the back of his head lightly with the brush. “You’re so fucking weird.” She kept brushing it out, and it was a little painful, but he didn’t complain. “I’m going to braid this.”

“Okay.”

“No, I’m going to fishtail it!”

“Even better!”

They laughed. Zoe seemed finally satisfied with the brushing job she had done. She started to pull strands of his hair gently, and he sort of… relaxed. It was kind of nice having someone touching his hair. He thought about that time that Evan and his little sister did that and wondered if he could ask Evan to do it again sometime.

But then he remembered they were broken up.

And he sighed.

“Tada!” Zoe said, and Connor laughed because he couldn’t, like, see the back of his head. Zoe seemed to realize that so she took a picture and handed her phone to him.

“Nice job,” he said. It was probably the neatest his hair had ever looked. She was good even when she was stoned. Impressive.

“Do mine.”

“I don’t know how.”

“Liar,” Zoe said, “I’ve seen you come down to breakfast with your hair braided back before.”

“It gets in the way sometimes,” Connor mumbled. But he turned around, and Zoe turned so her back was facing him, and Connor picked up the brush, brushing out his sister’s hair.

His braid work was far sloppier, much more loose, but Zoe seemed to like it. The indigo steaks made it look kind of awesome in a bullshit hipster Coachella type of way. "You should put a bunch of fucking baby's breath in this and go prance around in a crop top."

Zoe laughed. She sort of threw her arm around him affectionately. “I don’t think I’m as stoned anymore.”

“Me either.”

“I’m glad we did this. Thanks for being my like… weed mentor.”

“That’s three of you now,” Connor said.

“What?”

“Well I got Evan high for the first time, and then I got Jared high over the summer one day… now you.”

“Do _not_ get Alana high, Connor, she will totally freak out.”

“Oh my god I know.”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Title comes from "That Green Gentleman" by Panic! At the Disco because I needed a song about weed. 
> 
> I'm not much of a 4/20 person, but several of the weird things Zoe says while high are direct quotes from my face from past dabbling. 
> 
> Special thanks to Nibi who let me yell this idea at her last week when I was supposed to be studying. 
> 
> Thanks!


End file.
